How To Stop Self-Sabotaging

Sometimes the closer we get to what we’ve been working for, the more resistance shows up. Fear of success is quieter than fear of failure, but it’s just as powerful. It shows up as procrastination, overthinking, perfectionism, or even self-sabotage. It convinces you to shrink from the opportunities you’ve been asking for. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to be afraid of becoming more. You just have to learn how to expand without abandoning yourself.

Success isn’t just about what you achieve—it’s about what you believe you’re allowed to step into. If you’ve ever felt yourself resisting the very thing you’ve been working toward, you’re not alone. The fear of success is real, but it’s not permanent.

Here’s how you can start to move through it—one courageous step at a time.

Step 1: Name the Real Fear Beneath the Surface

Most people don’t even realize they’re afraid of success because it doesn’t look like fear. It looks like playing small. Delaying. Holding back. So the first step is to slow down and ask: “What feels risky about succeeding?” Maybe it’s the pressure to maintain it. Maybe it’s fear of being judged, or losing relationships, or having your life change too much, too fast.

Try This: Write down what feels unsafe about success. What would change if things went really well? What relationships, routines, or self-perceptions might feel threatened? Once you name it, ask: Is that fear true? Or just familiar? Naming the fear gives you the power to stop letting it drive your decisions.

Step 2: Redefine What Success Means

Sometimes we fear success because we’ve accepted someone else’s definition of it. If you think success means constant hustle, burnout, or becoming someone you’re not, it makes sense that you’d avoid it. That’s why the next step is to redefine success in a way that feels true to you. What does success look like in a life you actually want to live?

Try This: Grab a notebook and answer: If success felt like peace, joy, and alignment—what would it look like for me? Make it specific. Does it include more time for rest? Freedom to travel? A deeper impact in fewer hours? Let your version of success reflect your values—not someone else’s expectations.

Step 3: Give Yourself Permission to Expand

The final step is to give yourself emotional permission to become more. To grow, to stretch, to evolve. Many people hold back because they’re trying to stay the same for the sake of other people or old identities. But a real possibility requires expansion. And expansion always feels unfamiliar at first.

Try This: Say this to yourself out loud or write it down: “I am allowed to grow. I don’t owe anyone the smaller version of me.” Then choose one small action that reflects your growth. Speak up, take the leap, pitch the idea. Let your expansion be a conscious choice—not something you keep postponing.

Fear of success is just another way your brain tries to keep you safe, but you were made for more than safety. You were made to grow, to stretch, to rise. Don’t run from what’s possible just because it’s unfamiliar. Run toward it, with open eyes and an open heart, because the life you want is waiting for you to stop holding back.